Hurt and Love
by TeamTwilight92
Summary: Bella continues to hurt Edward, but all Edward wants is for her to accept his love. Will she? And can she love him in return? Canon. OOC. M for language.


**A/N: Hi there, whoever is reading this shit.**

**So basically I was jamming to this *Nsync song (and if you are not a fan of them I suggest you turn away now), reminiscing on the old days, and suddenly I began to form this tiny idea of a story where Edward sings this to you know who, but it somehow turned into this mess. I don't know how it got here or how this came about, however, it has somehow evolved into this thing that my brain has condured up. So yea, hope you like it.**

**All typos, and I am 95% sure you will find _many_, are my own fault. Even though I read through this thing like five times, I am not a perfect writer and I make mistakes. These mistakes dont get edited because I don't have a beta and I wouldn't even know how to start to get one.**

**Link of the song for the story is posted on my profile. Highly recommended you play it as you read :)**

**Disclaimer: I own the plot, SM owns the characters. I hate that bitch, but I love her too because she brought me my beloved Edward. *smiles***

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><p><em>[Edward:]<em>

_You might've been hurt, babe_

_ That ain't no lie_

_You've seen them all come and go, oh.. _

I hope to goodness she hears me this time. I was singing to her and only her. I was tired as shit of being in the friend zone. I was through with all these fucking jerks and assholes she chose to date and get used by because she had some distorted idea she wasn't worthy of true love. I can't tell you how many times I have questioned her intellect when she would try and throw that crock of shit in my face.

_I remember you told me  
>That it made you believe in<br>No man, no cry  
>Maybe that's why<em>

She always said she wasn't going to date anymore after she broke up or was dumped by some asshole she was with cheated on her or treated her far less than she deserved, but she was putty to a pretty fucking face, hot body and sweet talker. Even though she knew what was going to happen. I can't fucking count on one hand how many fuckers I've had to beat the shit out of because his momma didn't teach him how to treat a fucking women. I can't say I wasn't any of those things though. The only difference was that I was fucking awesome, and she quickly found that out when she tried to pursue me back in 9th grade, thinking I only wanted one thing. Ha, not long after we got together she broke up with me and we've been best friends ever since. For some reason I just couldn't give her up, so I took whatever she gave me.

But I was fed up with all the bullshit she continued to put up with. I don't even know how many fucking times I've insinuated to her how in love with her I was. I never out right declared my love to her, but I showed it to her every chance I got. From small things like giving her a random flower on a random day just to see her smile, or big things like whisking her away on a weekend trip to Disneyworld after a stressful week.

I was like her unofficial boyfriend in the fucking best friend zone, but it seemed like it was never enough, that I could never do enough to actually get through to her that she deserved the world and more. That she deserved to be loved, to have love, and to love in return. That was why she dated such losers because she knew she didn't have to let them in to her damaged heart. She was fucking nuts in the head if you asked me. But what the fuck does say about me? Hehe.

I knew she knew how I felt. And she knew I knew she knew, yet she brushed it off saying I was too important for her to lose. That she loved me like a brother. Bull fucking shit; you don't lose your damn virginity to your _brother_.

_[Edward, Ben, Jake, Emmett, Jasper:]_  
><em>Every little thing I do<br>Never seems enough for you  
>You don't wanna lose it again<br>But I'm not like them  
>Baby, when you finally,<br>Get to love somebody  
>Guess what,<br>It's gonna be me…_

I stared right into her eyes when as I sang the words, and I saw her hardened face tense even more. She didn't like me serenading her like this, and she didn't like being put on the spot. She wanted me to leave things like they were, in fucking limbo. However, this was the only way I saw to try and get through to her. I knew deep down in her closed off heart, she was in love with me too. I saw it when she looked at me after I made her laugh, and felt it in the way she would wrap herself around me after climbing in my bad cause she hated to be alone after a break up.

_[Jasper:]_

_You've got no choice, babe  
>But to move on, and you know<br>There ain't no time to waste_

I knew there was a something percent chance that I'd made all this shit up for my own comfort, but I felt in my soul that she was my meant to be. If she would just let herself really feel love from someone who cared about her fucking deeply, that someone being me, she would be so much happier. I curse her fucking parents for setting such a bad example for her and making her feel like she didn't deserve a fucking happily ever after.

But she needed to get over that shit with her parents because she wasn't them, and no matter how many times I told her that she wouldn't listen. I was hoping she would listen to me now though because if she wouldn't see how much I wanted her and cared for her, I was gone.

_You're just too blind (too blind),_

_To see  
>But in the end, ya know it's gonna be me<br>You can't deny  
>So just tell me why<em>

Me, being her bluntly honest, awesome best friend and admirer for the last six years, I wanted nothing more than to scream at her to get over her shit, life goes one. That I was right in front in her for her to have, ready to love her. But she was a sensitive, hard-fucking-headed case. I was trying not to force myself on her, but I just fucking knew if she'd just let me into her heart for real, there are no words for how happy we would be. So I hoped to God she chose me, and that this "Its Gonna Be Me" song turned out in my favor so I wouldn't make a ass of myself. It was all up to her, the ball was in her court.

_Every little thing I do  
>Never seems enough for you<br>You don't wanna lose it again  
>But I'm not like them<br>Baby, when you finally  
>Get to love somebody (somebody)<br>Guess what (guess what)  
>It's gonna be me<em>

_[Jake:]_ _It's gonna be me_

_[Edward:]__Oh yeah..._

_There comes a day  
>When I'll be the one, you'll see..<br>It's gonna-gonna-gonna-gonna-gonna_

I'd been waiting for that day for the last six years, and if today wasn't it, I knew I had to let her go. Cut her cold-fucking-turkey. It was fucking killing me inside to watch on the sidelines as she let herself get used over and over, and then being her shoulder to cry on when they were done. I knew she didn't cry from losing them or from getting used. She cried because she wanted the real thing, she just didn't know how to make herself worthy. She cried over her damaged heart, and she cried because she knew it hurt me to see her do all of what she did, and she cried because she knew I loved her but she didn't know what to do with it.

I had to let her go if she chose to ignore what was right in front of her because I knew eventually I would begin to resent her and hate her, and I loved her too much to want to feel that way about her. But I had to consider my feelings for once, and at this point, my feelings were fucking sick and tired of being taken for granted. Though I knew she was just lost, I couldn't continue to stand around and help her find something that was always there, she just refused to see.

_[Edward:]_

_It's gonna be me_

_All that I do  
>Is not enough for you<br>Don't wanna lose it  
>But I'm not like that<br>When finally (finally)  
>You get to love<br>Guess what (guess what)_

I prayed she she would open heart to me. I hated to give her an ultimatum, but if she couldn't do it, she would lose me. The guys said she would choose me because everyone could see she was in love with me too, just scared and damaged. I hoped they were fucking right. They were tired of her hurting me too. And I damn sure didn't learn this routine for this fucking showcase on "Great Boy bands of Yesterday!" for fucking nothing. Singing and dancing at the same time was no fucking joke.

_Every little thing I do  
>Never seems enough for you (for you babe)<br>You don't wanna lose it again (don't wanna lose it)  
>But I'm not like them<br>Baby, when you finally  
>Get to love somebody (love..)<br>Guess what (guess what)  
>It's gonna be me<em>

As the song began to reach its ending, I saw her shake her head so slowly it was almost as if she didn't know she was doing it. Shit, how I wish I didn't fucking know what the hell was running threw that gorgeous head of hers. Her brown eyes met mine one more time before she got up and bolted. I stumbled a little it in the dance steps but quickly recovered, I wanted to run after her, but I knew I had my answer. I guess it wasn't gonna be me, haha. That was a sad laugh just to let you know.

_Every little thing I do (Oh...)  
>Never seems enough for you<br>You don't wanna lose it again (don't wanna lose it)  
>But I'm not like them<br>Baby, when you finally (baby when you finally)  
>Get to love somebody<br>Guess what (guess what)_

I had the urge to sing "it's not gonna me", but that would be fucking with Jasper's and Jakes grade with this, so I lied and sang the last line…_  
><em>  
><em>[Edward:]<em>

_It's gonna be me…_

I basically ran off stage, all out of fucking breath. It didn't seem to slow down either. It felt like I was having a fucking heart attack. Wouldn't that just be the fucking icing on the cake? A heart attack at 21, just what I fucking needed. I though about my pathetic fucking life and all the people I would leave behind. Not that I cared much about that because the only one I really wanted to care just ran out on me. What did I have to live for? My car was shit, my apartment was even shitter, my side job to help my mom pay for this over expensive art school at tha dump of a restaurant was the shitteset of all shit. I was a broke wanna be musician who had nothing. No wonder she kept me in the friend zone, what the fuck did I have to offer?

_Fucking dramatic much_? I though to myself. Even dying I was still sarcastic.

"Edward!" Emmett came running after me with Jasper, Ben, and Jake on his heels. I stopped and collapsed on the nearest wall. Everything seemed to be getting smaller and quieter.

"I…I cant…breath.." I managed to squeak out before everything went black.

?...?

Why the hell was there a bright fucking light in my face? Why'd the fuck did I feel like I just got hit by a train and fucking exhausted at the same time? This can't be heaven, it hurt too fucking much.

"Yo, he's waking up." I heard Jasper whisper. I managed to open my heavy eyes and saw all my family and friends staring at me with looks of pity and sympathy. I was confused.

"Why the hell are you all looking at me like that? Where the fuck am I?" I croaked out. Fuck, I sounded like shit. I coughed to clear my throat while my mom gave me some water. What the fuck was everyone doing here? And where the fuck was _here_?

"Don't use that fucking language boy." My mother scolded me. I don't know why she fucking bothered, I was loss cause. I got my foul mouth from her ass.

"Can someone _freaking_ answer me?" of course Tanya, my sister, gossiping ass did.

"Well after your whore of a best friend who you're so devastating in love with ran out like the bitch she is-"

"Tanya." My mother sneered at her choice of words, even though she didn't particularly care for her either and vocalized it on multiple occasions.

Tanya went on as if she hadn't heard our mother, "- and you guys finished, you ran off stage and when the guys caught up with you passed out on them. They called 911 and brought you here to the hospital. They said you had a fucking panic attack, and since you had it right after that exhausting piece you just finished, they gave you a sedative to let you rest instead of waking you up. It's been like 3 fucking hours." She said that shit so fast, the only reason I got any of it is because I've known her since the day she was born.

"Edward, we were all really worried about you. You scared the shit out of poor Jake here." Jasper told me. I looked at Jake and saw him glaring at me. He didn't look like he had been worried about my health. I could see he was bout to go off on a Jake-rant.

"Look here bitch, you almost gave me a heart attack. I am way too hot and sexy to be dying any time soon. That goes for your pretty ass too. So if you scare me like that again, I can guarantee I will shove my Armani Italian leather clad loafers so far up your ass you will fosho taste the genuinity. You got that Ginger?"

I rolled my eyes at his gay ass and flipped him off. He responded with a wink and patted my foot. All was forgiven.

"Edward baby, I know what this was about, we all do, so don't try and play it off of defend her. She's fucking with your health now baby and I will not stand by and let that happen." My mom told to me as rubbed my head. I swallowed and tried to keep my heart from racing. I was scared to think her name in fear I might break down like a little pussy bitch over my broken heart. Fuck, am I melodramatic tonight or what.

"Yea Ed, I know you don't like us talking about her or meddling, but this ain't good for you man. We love her too-"

"Speak for yourself." Tanya growled.

Ben rolled his eyes and continued. "Listen I think I can say that _most_ of us here that love her too, but what she does to you is something we don't. She's a good person, but she makes some fucked up choices that hurt others in her life, you being the main one, and we think its time to let go."

"We know you think you two are soul mates and shit, but come on bro, it's been six years. If she hasn't seen by now how much you love her, we don't think she ever will." My other sister, Tanya's much more reasonable, nicer twin, Rosalie said.

"Edward, we just want you to be happy, and we can all see that all she is doing is killing you. You have to let her go." Alice, Jake's sister and a best friend of mine imputed.

My mom continued to stroke my hair like when I was a little boy after I would scrape my knee or some shit as I tried to keep the tears at bay. I hated crying, and I loathed doing it in front of people, no mater whom it was. I felt like complete and utter shit, and it seemed as if the pain would never go away, only intensify. Loving someone who couldn't love you back the way you wanted them to was fucking painful.

I took a shaky breath. "I know, and I'm going to try. But right now I just want to be left alone with my thoughts."

They all nodded in understanding and said their goodbyes and promised to see me tomorrow. My mom was the only one I wanted to stay. I knew she would just be here for me and keep her thoughts to herself because she knew that's all I wanted. Even after my father walked out on us right after Tanya and Rosalie were born, my mom still managed to give us a great life and make sure we had all we needed, all while putting herself through school to become a psychologist. If anyone knew heartache and pain it was her, so she knew just what I needed without having to ask. It didn't hurt that I was a complete momma's boy either.

?...?

The doctor said I was good to go home that night and I was ecstatic. I fucking hated hospitals. I went home with my mom since I had roommates and didn't feel up to the noise.

I spent the next three days with my mom nursing my broken beaten heart with fatty foods, beer, and sleep. My family and friends came to visit me but I wasn't much company. I mostly just grunted and mumbled as a form of answering. I didn't see the fucking point of talking.

When it came time for classes I went, did my work, and went home, praying to God I didn't see her. Even tough I knew most of her classed were on the other side of classes and on different days from mine, but I couldn't help but feel a little paranoid. Part of me wanted to see her to see if she was okay, then another part hoped she wasn't or a least got hit by a bus so she felt the pain I did. I was sure she didn't feel as bad as me. It was still too early to figure out what I wanted to do though. I had to force myself not call her or show up at her apartment she shared with Alice and Jasper. And no one was voluntary giving up information on her, and I was too much of a chicken shit to ask.

About a mouth after the showcase, I was home alone which was rare because I lived with three other guys and someone was always here being loud and obnoxious or making a fucking mess like the disgusting pigs they were. But tonight though they all had lives to attend to, which was something I didn't care to have at this point in time.

I figured I'd just order Chinese and worked on my paper for my Piano History class that was due the next day. I was a procrastinator at its finest, but my grades wouldn't tell you that with my 4.0 GPA. I got my best work done cramming on something hours before it was due. What can I say, I work spectacular under pressure.

After a while someone knocked on the door and me, thinking it was the delivery guy, opened it immediately. Imagine my surprise when it was not only my food minus the delivery guy, but a certain someone I had been trying my damndest to forget existed. There goes all my hard fucking work out the window.

"Bella."

She fidgeted with the food and kept her head towards the ground, her long chestnut hair casting a curtain around her face.

After the shock of her sudden appearance wore off, I felt nothing but underlying rage. Who the fuck did she think she was! Coming to my home un-a-fucking-nouncced and shit after she fucking tossed my feelings for her in my face with a month of no contact. Where the fuck did she get off? Well, fuck that and fuck her. If she didn't get the fuck away from me soon I wouldn't be held accountable for what I might say.

"Keep it." I growled and went to slam the door.

"Wait!" she shouted and stopped the door with her hand. She somehow scurried her way inside before I could slam the thing again. Fuck.

"Get the fuck out Bella." I told her with as much venom in my voice as I could manage and held the door open. I was contemplating throwing her out psychically.

She continued not to look at me but turned on her heel and made her way to the kitchen to set my food down. "I…I paid for your food…" she said. Her voice was faint now. My blood was boiling with rage. I don't remember myself being this angry ever. It was daunting.

She shifted from foot to foot obliviously uncomfortable as I continued holding the door open. She eventually sighed after a few seconds. "Come on E, please close the door so we can talk."

"I don't want to fucking talk to you. I don't even want to look at you. I am going to ask you one more fucking time to get out-"

And then she finally let me see her face, and it broke my fucking heart all over again. This was too much agony for one person to take.

Her face was paler than usual, and it seemed sucked in like she hadn't be eating. Her hers were red and puffy from what looked like a crying spree that went on for days, and there were deep purple bags under her eyes which indicated she hadn't been sleeping either. I looked down her frame and her clothes that once fit her perfectly looked looser. Above all that she was still the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. Her eyes though, were something that would haunt me for the rest of my life. They looked empty, lost, haunted, and all in all, so fucking sad.

I took a deep breath and looked away from her to help stop my racing heart, my anger completely gone now. I hated this hold she had on me, but I wouldn't ever wish it away. All the feelings I had tried to tell myself were fading appeared with force. And I knew I would never love anyone as much as I loved her, no matter what she did to me.

I closed the door and leaned against the wall that was next to it, still refusing to look at her. I heard her sniffle and a chair scrape and her sit down. And then she began to talk.

"I know you must think I'm a sorry piece of shit and a bitch for doing what I did, what I've continued to do to since the day we met. And I am. I am the most selfish person on earth. I've only taken what I wanted with out giving back, and I hurt a lot of a people without caring. But Edward I never meant to hurt you. And for doing so for so long, I have to give is a pathetic "I sorry". And Edward, I am so very, very sorry I can't even begin to explain it you."

I continued the look at the floor as I felt tears trail down my face at what she was telling me. She sounded so broken, and her voice never reached higher than a whisper.

"My chance at having an easy, carefree love life was fucked everyday of my childhood while I watched my dad use my mom as nothing more that a housekeeper and child carrier. There was never any love in their relationship, even though my mom found a small piece of what she missed in Phil after my father died, the damage on me was done. My dad never told me he loved me because in his eyes all I was meant for was to take care of my future husband and procreate with him. He fucking forbid my mom from telling me she loved me in fear it would make me believe in I was meant for more, even though she would anyway. And in the end when I would like to think that I deserve to be loved by someone who loves and cares for me, I never knew how. I know you already know all this about me, but and it no excuse for how I treated you, but I need you to understand that I was broken way before I meet. And I'm just now starting to face the demons that live in me, because if I have learned anything this passed month, it is that you deserve love, and I want to be the one to give it to you.

"You saw though my wall of crap from the first day I met you, and it scared the shit out of me. You showed me that you wanted more than what I chose to let people see, and even after sharing our first time together, after I felt that you got what you wanted so you would leave, you were still there caring for me. So I broke up with you and keep you in the friend zone because I didn't know how to let you love me. How I wish I could go back and change that, but I can't. I don't have much to offer, and I am so far from perfect it's not even funny."

Ha. She had that right. I knew how fucking imperfect she was, but that's was something that made her even more beautiful to me.

"I'm still that broken girl I was because I never tried to fix my problems. I had never faced them, i just thought this was the way i was meant to be for the rest of my life. Until you let me go." She choked on a sobbed and took a couple minutes to control herself before she went on.

"If I had let you in back then I would probably be better. I held you at arms-length out of fear, but you never stopped fighting for me. You are so good and pure Edward, and I would pray at night when you would hold me that you would find some equally perfect girl to take you away from me so you could be happy, then at the same time I hoped that that would never happen because I need you like I need air, and I'm just a selfish bitch."

We both chuckled faintly at that through the crying because it was true. I heard her get up and slowly walked towards me. I finally grew the balls to look at her, and though I still saw a deep sadness in her eyes, there was also determination.

She stopped in front of me and cupped my face with her tiny hand and sighed contently at the contact. Even when we were just friends, we always had to be touching. It was like home to the both of us.

"Edward Anthony Masen, I know I am probably too late, I mean, it did take a month for me to get my ass out of my head, but I need you to know it's you. It has always been you, and it will forever always be you."

I stiffened at the words I had been waiting to hear from her for what felt like an eternity. She cupped my face with both hands and brought my face so close to hers our noses were touching. My hand instinctively went her hips and pulled her closer, which set my body on fire. Hey, she might off broken my heart but she was still hot, and I was still a man.

She continued to speak but the little smile that played on her lips told me she was well aware of my problem. "I am trying to make myself good enough to deserve you. I can't change how much I have hurt you Edward, but I will for the rest of my life try and make it up to you anyway I can. That is, if you'll have me, but if me going away is what will make you happy, I'll do that. Anything you want. I just want you to be happy. That's all have ever wanted, and I know I have a piss-poor way of showing it, but if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I swear on my life I will forever try and do better."

Her lips were so close, and her scent was so fucking intoxicating it was hard to concentrate on what she was saying. No pun intended.

But I heard her, and I then realized I had already forgiven her a while ago. I'm not sure when that happened, but it did. I wasn't a grudge holder anyway, she was. And I knew deep down I would always forgive Bella because she was my other half. It just took her forever to admit to herself.

"I already forgave you, but you hurt me for so long Bella things can't go back to they were just like that. We have to set some conditions if you want to be with me, 'cause you know I'm a hot commodity." she laughed at me and nodded in understanding. I'd missed her laugh.

"If you get scared, which I know you will, talk to me. Don't push me away or run because I won't always be so accepting." I knew that was a lie, but she didn't need to know that.

"You still want to be with me? After all I've done to you?"

I shook my head her and held her tighter, She felt amazing. "Loves not that easy B, I could never just not want to be with you. I've wanted to be with you from the first day I saw you. You could probably run me over with your truck on purpose and I would still want you. I will always want you."

Her face stretched into such a beautiful smile it was dazzling. Her hands slipped down from my face to my neck and pulled my face down so our lips were lightly touching. "I am so in love with you."

She kissed me like it was first and last. She kissed like how I always wanted her to. I felt her pour all of her self into. It was slow and sensual, but hot and breathtaking. I felt her love for me, and I savored it.

After an undeterminable amount of time we broke apart and stared at each other.

"So, we're really going to do this? You really want to that this risk with me?" she asked me hesitantly. I could see she was afraid of hurting me more, she was afraid of herself. But I could see in her eyes that she also wanted this just as much I did.

I nodded and kissed her lips softly. That was never going to get old. "Yep, we are."

"You know everyone is going to hate this, right? I was horrible to you and they worry about you. I can't tell you how many threats I got from Tanya to stay away from you." She laughed humorlessly.

"Fuck them. This is between you and I."

She stared at me in adoration before her stomach growled. I laughed. "Someone sounds hungry." I squeezed her tiny waist. "We need to get more weight on you if you don't want to break as I fuck you into oblivion. You know i like cushion for the pushin'." I told her with a smirk.

She cackled and pushed away from me, but I grabbed her hand and lead her to the kitchen. "You're so crude. And yea, I'm starved, but I don't want to eat up your food." She bit her lip.

I cracked up at that. "It never stopped your greedy ass before."

"Shut up, you're the one that eats a whole large pizza by himself."

"What can I say, I'm a growing boy." I plied our plates with food and we went into the living room.

"E, you're 21. Just admit you're a fat guy trapped in a slim guys body."

I glared at her. "You wont be talking shit when beat your ass in Modern Warfare three, old women." It wasn't really true, she was only 6 months older than me, but I loved to get under her skin.

"Please, watch this _old women_ school you. This game is for grown folks _little boy_."

"Shut up." I watched her as she took a bit of the Chow Mein and somehow got shit all over herself. Gross. When the fuck was she gonnag fix that whole her mouth? "Ew Bella. Stop being such a fucking slob."

"Shut the fuck up you OCD freak. You love it." She stuck her tonge out at me with Chinese Food grease all over her face. Instant hard on.

I leaned in till my lips were a whisper away from hers and stared into her beautiful brown eyes. She was mine, finally mine. "That I do." I would never get tired of her lips on mine.

We laughed and ate and played video games for the rest of the night. It was awesome. I knew we had a longs way to go and a lot more talking to do, but knowing this piece of us was still there warmed my heart. Fuck, I sound like a pussy.

But fuck it, that was what Bella did to me. And I would be the happiest pussy on earth if she continued to do it for the rest of forever.

That's what she said. Hehe.

* * *

><p><strong>Edward's a pervert.<strong>

**Reviews are not only highly appreciated, but fiercely wanted because I'm a needy bitch. So if you read this, please, please, please review! :)**

**As you can see I am not above begging.**


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